The Magic Notebook
by Rachika
Summary: Kaoru has a notebook! But when somebody finds and reads it, how will it effect her life? Can she forgive? Or will things go down a path that can never be reversed? Kenshin/Kaoru May be a slight lemon later on...! You have been warned!
1. Chapter 1 Temptations

Hello! I'm still working on my other story, but I needed to get my mind out of a rut so I began this one! I hope you like this one - I do! Please enjoy! ^__^

**Disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin. **I sure wish I did though. :[

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It was warm. Sunny and warm. The birds were chirping happily, the flowers were blooming with color. A soft wind blew Kaoru's raven-black hair into her face, tickling her cheek. The young woman sighed, looking around her at the beautiful day. It was such a nice day out, something everybody had been waiting for all spring. It had finally come to cheer people's spirits... So why was she so miserable? She couldn't put a smile on her face. While she was around other people the smile appeared to cover what was under the skin. But while she was sitting here, letting the warmth of the sun caress her skin, she couldn't bring up a smile to save her life. She opened her little purple book. It was a very important book - Purple, bound by a beautiful black ribbon, with lace trailing down the side of it. She had began writing in it about a year before Kenshin arrived - when she had turned sixteen. There were so many important memories contained in that book. Kaoru looked at her previous entry and began to write.

_I'm sorry it's been a while since I last wrote - I've been very busy. It's been about seven months... Yahiko is doing very well in his training. I'm more and more proud of him every day. He's beginning to act like a man, sort of. He still has quite a way to go, but the biggest improvement is that he no longer calls me busu. Unless he's asking for a beating, that is. He even takes a bath more than once a week now! Sano left for China a while ago; He didn't give much of a reason. He just said he would be back sometime soon, and he was right. He arrived a few days ago, and is now staying with us. He hasn't said for how long, but I'm sure he won't stay too little. He'll stay for a while, if not for Megumi-san then for the free food he gets! Everyone misses his goof-ball personality. Even Kenshin._

_Kenshin... He hasn't left yet. He says he won't, unless he has to. However, I can't help that little part of me that still worries he will. That he will leave and never return. I wish he could see how wonderful of a person he is. His smile, his tender touches, his respect for people, and so much more. I know I've told you how much I love him before, but it's only grown stronger. I know I worry too much, I've been told that many times. But I just can't help it with him! I never want him to leave me... If everyone else leaves, I would be sad, but okay. If Kenshin leaves... I don't know how I would handle it. I don't think I could handle it. I'm so confused around him... I know he doesn't feel the same toward me. How could he? I'm just a silly girl, barely nineteen years old. I'm hot-headed, I can't cook, I'm stubborn, and I'm far from beautiful. Kenshin deserves so much better. If the woman he falls in love with can see him like I see him - for what he is now, not for what he was then - I know he'll be so happy. That's all I want for him, is to be truly happy._

_I had another dream last night... About him. It was similar to the ones I've mentioned before, only different. Instead of him leaving right away, he stayed and talked with me. From across the crevice, we talked. About the stars, nature... About his past. Though I know almost nothing about his past - apart from it was far from wonderful - what he said in the dream was so real. I'm sure what he holds in his memories is horrid, things he could never share with a young girl like me. Although I wish he would... But we spoke back and forth, of so many things... I looked up at the stars for just one moment, and when I looked back at him he was gone. The rest was the same. But just that he spoke to me this time, that he stayed even for a little bit... It was more than enough to keep some hope alive._

_But enough of that. Today is a beautiful day! I better be heading for town. I promised Tae I would help her at the Akabeko today. I promise to write soon!_

Kaoru sighed, looking up at the sky with deep blue eyes. They flickered with a sadness that could match the depth of the ocean. "Kaoru!" Yahiko called. "Time to go! Where the heck are ya?"

Kaoru stood up quickly, startled. "I'm coming Yahiko! Geez..." She ran out front to meet him and off they ran, silly looks on both their faces and they challenged each other to a race. In her hurry, however, she forgot about the little purple book that sat outside her room, facing out to the blue sky.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

"Miss Kaoru?"

The redhead waited at the door of the young lady's room. Upon receiving no answer, he tried again. "Miss Kaoru?" No answer. "I'm coming in Miss Kaoru." He opened the door slowly, making sure it was safe. The first thing he noticed was that the door leading outside was slightly open, and the room was clean of laundry. He closed the screen door behind him. Kenshin was unsure if he should be in her room without her present. But he decided to at least close the other door. He walked through it, closing it after him. He looked out at the beautiful day - so peaceful. _I wonder when Miss Kaoru will be home, that I do. _The swordsman's eyes softened, and as he was about to walk away spotted something on the ground. He picked it up curiously. It was an elegant book, purple and lacy bound together with a silky black ribbon. He stared at it a while before he decided to open it.

_Not now._ He decided to open it later, in private, to determine the owner. Though he had a pretty good idea, there was something that told him to open it. He knew he shouldn't, it was such an invasion of privacy! But something in the back of his mind nagged at him to open it. _Later._

He went to finish the laundry, even though he knew where his mind would be.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

"Kenshin, this is sooo good!"

Kenshin gazed at Kaoru's innocent face. She was smiling at him, her beautiful blue eyes shining in awe. The redhead simply smiled. "Thank you, Miss Kaoru. I'm happy you like it." He heard Yahiko compliment the meal as well, but his focus was on the raven-haired woman. She was eating slowly, her eyes closed as she chewed as if to savor the taste. He bowed his head to finish his own meal. It wasn't right to look at Kaoru like that. She was a young, respectable woman. He shouldn't be gazing at her with such... _thoughts_ in his head. Then again, he shouldn't read her private notebook, but he was going to do just that later in the evening.

When the meal was over Kaoru offered to help him do the dishes, and he accepted. He enjoyed her company, more than others, and though he couldn't figure out why he wasn't about to refuse it. They stood, Kenshin washing and Kaoru drying, in near silence. "So Kenshin..."

"Yes Miss Kaoru?"

He saw her eye twitch a bit at that, but she said nothing. "How was your day today?" She gave him a smile.

He suddenly became nervous. "It was - It was a normal day." He stuttered a bit and slapped himself mentally. _Kenshin no baka! _

Kaoru eyed him a bit. "Normal? So nothing interesting happened?"

Kenshin shook his head. "Not a thing, Miss Kaoru. I did go to the market. It was a beautiful day out, that it was."

"Aa," she agreed. "It was so warm today! A day to remember." She smiled and stared off at nothing in particular. She then noticed the dishes were done. "Well, I suppose I'd better be heading to bed. I have an early morning tomorrow."

The swordsman agreed. "Aa. Time for bed. Well then, good night Miss. Kaoru." He smiled at her.

"Good night Kenshin." Kaoru waved and shuffled off to bed.

Kenshin looked on after she had gone. He sighed, and decided it was time to read the book. _As wrong as it is... I guess..._ He quickly padded to his own room. After changing into his light sleeping clothes and lighting a lamp, he pulled the little book out of the folds of his hakama. He ran his fingers over the cover, tracing the lace along the edge. He knew it was wrong, but he couldn't ignore the nagging part of his mind. Something told him to read it. And with that, he opened the front page.

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"Where the heck is it?!"

Kaoru searched her room frantically, turning everything upside down over and over again, shaking things out, until finally she realized it wasn't there. She sat down by her now messy blankets and began to tear up. She was desperate - _where the heck was her notebook?_ It was very important to her - so many things she had written in there that she hadn't dared to say out loud. So many forbidden dreams she'd had, so many moments she'd wished had happened, or things that had and what she wished had come of them... Who would take a simple notebook?

Kaoru ran her hands over her face and through her hair. She swore to find it in the morning, to look _everywhere_ until it was back in her safe hands again. But for now, sleep was best. Maybe it would bring her peace...

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Kenshin's face was hot. How could he not be blushing after all the things he'd read? He felt dirty in a way, for violating Kaoru's privacy. Yet, he was glad he did. So many things explained... There were so many... _explicit_ things in those pages, so many private thoughts and moments. He hadn't read the entire thing, just skimmed and read where he saw his name mentioned. He only meant to read the first entry, to confirm it belonged to the only young woman living in the dojo, but his curiosity got the best of him... Now he had a complicated problem on his hands. He'd known his feelings for Kaoru were there, and strong, for quite some time now. He was not blind. All those moments they had shared, and how he had told only her any parts of his past, even though he made them seem as painless as possible. But Kenshin was never sure if she would reciprocate those emotions. He also felt he would be violating something so pure, so sacred... He couldn't do it. Now that he had seen all these emotions, those... _dreams_... She was young, but Kaoru was at the point in her life where curiosity would get the best of her.

_I want... I want to stay with her..._ It was true. He never wanted to leave her again. She made him happy, with her innocence, her pure and caring heart, her simple trust... Around her, he felt completed. But now a problem arose. Would he really be able to keep her safe if they were in a relationship? It was true that no one from his past had shown up lately, but that didn't mean they never would. When they had thought her dead... He lost all hope. What if the same that happened to Tomoe happened to Kaoru? But he was different now...

_Can I protect her?_

There was a simple answer. _Yes. I can. And I will._

Kenshin's violet eyes flickered with a strong emotion, turning them slightly amber in color. He looked directly at the small lamp as it began to flicker. He blew it out softly and continued to stare long after the wick was cold. His fingers continued to feel the notebook's cover gently, focusing on the lace. Delicate yet strong, just like his dear Kaoru. His emotions began to fluster in him. Worry first, then determination, followed by a sadness and then a sort of excitement. It was decided.

"I will tell her," he muttered to himself. "But how...?" As he laid back, sleep avoided him for a while, before finally his eyelids began to droop and he felt himself slip off into a peaceful slumber.

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I would appreciate any reviews! **Constructive advice is always welcome.** I do wish to improve, and advice/praise gives me confidence! [lol and I love hearing from all you awesome people!]

See you next chapter! :]


	2. Chapter 2 For You

Hey everyone! :] I'm back with another chapter! I hope I can keep this going, I love writing this fic. :3 Enjoy!

**CHAPTER TWO**

It was early morning. A cool breeze floated through Kenshin's red strands of hair as he sat on the dojo porch watching the birds search for their meal. He was calm. His sakabato rested lightly against his shoulder, a comfortable position for him. Deep thought was common for one such as himself, but this morning his thoughts were a bit scattered. He still hadn't decided how to bring up such a sensitive topic to Kaoru. What would she think of him when she found out that he had read her personal notebook? She would be very upset. Would she even want to listen to him after that? How could he bring it up without setting off red flags? Perhaps it was unavoidable... Kenshin sighed softly as he heard the person who was haunting his thoughts begin to set her bed away. _What if..._ He suddenly smiled. _Perfect._

"Good morning Kenshin."

The swordsman smiled and rose from his position. "Good morning Miss Kaoru, that it is." He observed the young woman as she fiddled with her hands a bit.

"Kenshin..." she paused a bit. "Have you seen a-"

"I'm sorry Miss Kaoru, but I must be on my way. I have some errands to run today, that I do."

"...Oh..." Kaoru's gaze fell. She mentally scolded herself. _Kenshin wouldn't take my notebook. He's too much of a gentleman._ "Okay." She forced herself to perk up a little bit. "Will I see you tonight?"

Kenshin smiled softly and nodded. "That you will, Miss Kaoru. Is there anything I can get you while in the marketplace?" The girl shook her head, eyes to the ground. "Well then, I must be on my way." And without another word spoken, he walked off. Kaoru looked after him, but said nothing. Instead she simply went to the kitchen to attempt to make breakfast.

Kaoru frowned to herself as she began taking out the things needed for tea. Her mind told her logically that Kenshin would never take her diary. It just wasn't the kind of man he was. But something felt a little off when she spoke to him. The way he interrupted her so abruptly... Like he was trying to get her off topic. She didn't want to believe he had taken it. And if he did she certainly didn't think he would read it. Sure, maybe he had read the first page to see who it belonged to, but he wouldn't go farther than that. He was... Well he was Kenshin! Maybe she had her standards too high, but he didn't seem like the type of man to take someone's personal property. For Kami's sake he still called her "Miss Kaoru", which irritated her to no end. They had been living together for such a long time now... No, it couldn't have been Kenshin. He was just too polite. And with her mind set and her hope replenished, she set to work making something similar to food.

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Kaoru trained with Yahiko for what seemed like hours, but in reality was barely one. Kaoru now had bumps and bruises all over. Not that they hurt much, but it was the fact of the matter. She couldn't get her mind together! The young boy could tell she wasn't in it, and openly said so. "What's wrong with you today? You're spacing out!"

Kaoru sighed, but shook her head. "Nothing, Yahiko. You haven't happened to see a small purple notebook around, have you?"

The boy frowned and shook his head. "No. Sorry busu." he said sarcastically. He could really tell she was occupied when she just nodded, not showing her usual violent comeback. Yahiko tried for a while to get her back to normal, but to no avail. Frustrated, he ran a hand through his stubborn black locks and tapped his cheek. His eyes lit up suddenly. "Hey Kaoru, why don't we go take Sano to see Megumi?"

Kaoru looked at him. She knew that he was trying to get her spirit back up, she felt bad for making him worry like that. Or maybe it was simply because he was bored with her... Maybe he was right though. An afternoon with friends was just what she needed to cheer up. "Sure." She gave him a small smile. "Thanks Yahiko."

The boy grinned devilishly. "For what, busu?" He grinned and began running when Kaoru raised her bokken. _Aah, I'm good!_

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Kenshin was in awe. There were so many! They were all so beautiful, how was he to pick one? There was blue, green, red, and even purple! How could he know what color she would like? The old woman who owned the stand smiled at him kindly, the bags under her eyes showing. "Looking for something special?" Kenshin nodded, lifting his head to look at her. "Wife? Girlfriend perhaps?"

Kenshin frowned. "Well, no. Well I mean, I'm hoping she will be..."

The old woman chuckled a bit. "I see. She must mean a lot to you." Again, he nodded. "May I point this piece out?" She pulled a box out from under the stand. "I've been waiting for you to come and get this. I think it will be what you are looking for." She opened the box, and Kenshin's eyes widened. It was... perfectly simple. A small sapphire set in white gold. It was small, simple, and completely Kaoru.

"It's perfect." He said simply. "How much?" He would work at the Akabeko to earn a little extra if he had to. He wanted Kaoru's eyes and smile to shine when she saw it. He wasn't an extravagant man, and he knew she liked simple things, however he also knew that when she went past the jewelry stands, Kaoru would stare and giggle with her girl friends about how pretty the gems were.

"For you, young man," she said, "I give it to you as a gift."

Kenshin held his hands up. "Oh no Ma'am, I couldn't."

The old woman smiled, her wrinkled face glowing with a sort of pride. "It is my gift to you, because I have seen what is to come of it. Take my gift, please. And promise me you will treat her right."

Kenshin's eyes were wide, but he accepted the gift nonetheless. "Thank you very much." He turned to leave, then said, "I promise she will have nothing but happiness." With that he walked off, to find what he needed next. The old woman smiled after him, watching the small but noticeable bounce in his step. She chuckled lightly. "Ah, love. So beautiful to watch bloom."

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Kaoru laughed with Yahiko and Sano as they made their way home. After the fun afternoon they had all shared, it was impossible not to be happy. Megumi's antics with Sano were hilarious, and the dinner was just what she needed to smile again. However, her mind still pulled at her a bit, not completely allowing her to forget the notebook. But for the moment, she was happy. She hadn't gotten the opportunity to ask Sanosuke about the notebook, but she planned on it later that night. With Megumi around she hadn't been able to catch a moment alone with him! She would though... She would.

When they arrived at the dojo, Sano and Yahiko ran inside, chasing each other in a mock fight. Those two were such children! She frowned, but shrugged it off with ease. She would catch him later - for now, she wanted to be alone. As she made her way to her room, a cool wind blew through her. She rubbed her arms to get rid of the goose bumps, then opened her door. Upon seeing what was lying neatly on the ground, she gasped sharply and ran to pick it up. There, lying where her futon would be, was her precious notebook, along with a note. She suspected it was an anonymous note from the person to stole it. She unfolded it angrily, and when seeing the writing let her mouth fall open. There was no mistaking that letter...

_Miss Kaoru,_

_I wish to speak with you. Please meet me by the river under the bridge when you receive this note._

Nobody else wrote her name like that...

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Kenshin stared out at the water anxiously. He knew she would come, if not only for revenge. He had things planned out, and _Kami _he hoped things would turn out. Violet eyes looked up to the stars, and the man sighed softly. If it didn't turn out, what would happen? Could he stay? Would she allow him to stay? For the first time in his life, Kenshin could honestly say he was nervous over a woman. It wasn't as if Tomoe hadn't been important to him, but there was little romance involved. He hadn't had the chance to court her, and when it came to intimate moments she always led the way. He had only ever once had the courage to admit his love for someone. Kaoru was special, though, and he wanted everything to go perfectly. He wanted to sweep her off her feet, to hold her in his arms, to hear those words out of her mouth, to...

Well, there were some things that would most likely have to wait.

_What am I thinking? I'm acting as though she's already agreed. _He sighed softly again, closing his violet eyes. All he could see was her face, her soft smile, her deep blue eyes... The redhead listened calmly to the river flowing. The water was so peaceful...

"Kenshin."

The man's eyes widened, partly out of fear. He slowly turned around, calming himself before facing her. "Good evening, Miss Kaoru." Instead of finding anger, however, all he saw in her eyes was pain. She looked very upset. Her eyes were cloudy with tears, and her hands hung limply at her sides. He wished she would smile. Her beautiful smile was what gave him courage to move on and really live his life. He noticed she was breathing rather heavily. Her hair shone in the moonlight... _I will make you smile Kaoru... Please allow me to make you smile..._

"How could you?" Her voice was filled with sadness, a desperateness only a woman with a broken heart could muster. "Why, Kenshin?"

The redhead gave her a pleading look. "Please let me explain, Miss Kaoru."

Kaoru's eyes filled with tears. "Why?" she whispered. Before he could explain anything she ran off, one hand wiping the tears from her cheeks and the other fisted to her heart. Her raven locks flew out behind her and her sobs filled the swordsman's ears. He called out to her, but decided to let her run. His heart ached, but he told himself she may just need time. Kaoru was a sweet, forgiving woman. He would do everything he could to apologize. Hopefully he could reveal his gift to her under happier circumstances. Kenshin stared out at the water for a while, before heading to the dojo to await Kaoru's return. He didn't remember the last time he so desperately wanted someone to be happy.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

After what felt like hours of running, Kaoru's body stopped. She sank to her knees against a tree and panted. _Things will never work now. He'll leave me. I'll be all alone again, without him. I can't believe he read all those things! Those dreams... Oh Kami why? _The young woman felt like crying again. Her heart slowed to a normal rhythm. The sky was dark, not even the moon could shine through the thick grey clouds. Her blue eyes flickered with sadness as a single firefly floated past her cheek. _Maybe if I go to sleep... Tomorrow I'll talk with him. I don't like being angry with him. But of all the people, why Kenshin? He's always such a gentleman!_

Sighing lightly, Kaoru rose from the ground. She felt a little unsteady on her feet at first, but with each step she took felt a little better. The cool wind rushed through her hair. The woman frowned. _Why do I feel so-?! _A hand clapped over her mouth, and an arm around her waist to constrict her arms. "Mmph!!" Her body was cold with fear as a low, growling voice hissed in her ear. "I've finally got you. Let's see how Battousai handles it when his woman is in _my_ hands!" Kaoru suddenly felt weak. _What's happening? Ken... shin... He..._ Her body fell limp. The attacker chuckled lowly. "You will not escape me. Battousai."

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Kenshin reached the dojo gates. He was quiet, hoping to reach his room without waking anyone. Perhaps Kaoru was home by now. He imagined her sleeping, her beautiful black hair spread out on her pillow, her calm breathing, her peaceful face... How desperately he wished to see that vision with his own two eyes. He smiled lightly at the thought, but frowned when he reached the front gate. There was a note wedged between the two doors. The swordsman pulled it out and read, anger filling his eyes with each word. A deep gold seeped slowly into his normally violet eyes, hate rushing through his veins. He crumpled the paper with a fist, staring at nothing in particular. _I swear to you Kaoru, this is the last time you will ever be taken from me. Never again will I let this happen. Never!_ He began running, his fists clenched tightly and his eyes filled to the brim with golden anger. The note floated to the ground in the cool wind, forgotten.

_I have taken the Kamiya woman. _

_If you do not meet me by the river where you spoke to her, she will be returned to you in pieces._

_You have until dawn._

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Remember to review please! Reviews make Rachi very happy, that they do! :3


	3. Chapter 3 Revenge or Redemption?

Hey guys! I'm back with the third chapter - I tried to make it longer than the past chapters because I know how frustrating it is when you read a really good, yet short chapter. SO! I hope you enjoy this chapter~ Reviews are appreciated! :]

Note: If you look at my profile, it says that my stories will not have OC's unless they are minor. However I am making an exception for this story! He's only here for [I'm not gonna spill the beans!] but like I said, this is my one exception.

Now, please enjoy this short chapter. :]

**CHAPTER THREE**

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It was dark; The only light to guide his feet was the emanating from the full moon. If anyone had been out walking on that night, they would have sensed the pure anger radiating from the simple wanderer. In the back of Kenshin's mind, he wondered if he could stop himself from killing this time. He had been able to stop himself countless times before, but this time his very last nerve was being pinched. This time, would he be able to stop himself from slaughtering Kaoru's kidnapper? The saddest part, he knew, was that he didn't care. That this time the only thing that could possible stop his hands was the young woman's eyes. She alone had the power to stop his deepest anger. But would it be enough this time?

Kenshin's legs slowly came to a walk as he neared the river. _If he has hurt Kaoru, I swear I will never let him see the light of day._ He looked at his own reflection in the clear, rippling water, and followed the bank until he saw a figure in his view. As he got closer, he saw another figure, tied to a tree behind the first person. "Kaoru..." he whispered. Angrily he began walking faster, until he was close enough to see their faces. Kaoru was, as he knew, tied to the tree. What he didn't know, however, is that she had an ugly blue and black bruise on her jaw. There were tears in her once pretty kimono, and her hair was full of leaves. Kenshin's eyes hardened when he turned to the next figure. The man was tall, with a square jaw and a nasty scar running down his left temple.

"Ryota."

"Finally, Battousai. For a while I wasn't so sure you would come for your woman. You must love her very much." He leaned down to the unconscious woman, tracing her jaw slowly with his finger. Kenshin's eyes flashed.

"Get away from her," he growled.

Ryota chuckled. "Why should I? I mean, you're obviously incapable of loving her the way I can. She was, after all, crying when I happened upon her."

Kenshin's heart clenched. _I knew she would take it harshly, but was she really crying for so long? Kaoru, forgive me... I never meant to hurt you._ His amber eyes watched as the finger went from her jaw to her lips, and his temper exploded. His hand grasped his sakabato so tightly his knuckles were turning white. "Ryota. Fight me now. She has nothing to do with our past."

The taller man frowned at him. "You took away my past, present, and future. I see fit to do the same to you."

Kenshin growled in frustration. "I have been telling you for all these years, it wasn't me who started that fire. I tried to save her-"

"Shut up!" Ryota snarled. He ran a calloused hand through his greasy hair. "Why were there burns on your arms then? From where she grabbed you and you pushed her back down into the fire?!"

"She let go, Ryota!" Kenshin yelled. "There was nothing I could do - she was already dead!" Silence filled their ears as neither men moved. The river's rushing suddenly sounded like the loudest thing either had ever heard. The older man began walking forward slowly, carefully. He held his hands up and tried to plead with him. "Ryota, I swear to you-"

"I don't want to hear it," the man hissed. Suddenly he drew his sword and rushed at Kenshin, who easily whipped to the side. He drew his own sakabato and got the man in the back of the knees, making him fall to the ground. Angrily Ryota rose, wiping the side of his mouth with his sleeve. His eyes glared in the dim light, focusing only on the redhead. "How can I forgive something like that? How can I simply let her go and accept that the only man able to save her got to her too late? _How?!_" In frustration he rushed at Kenshin again, his sword missing the man by barely an inch. He turned on his heel to see Kenshin taking his defense stance. He let out an angry cry, and raised his sword to kill. With god-like speed the wanderer shot forward and jabbed Ryota in the stomach with the hilt of his own sword.

Ryota knelt to the ground in pain. Blood trickled from the corner of his mouth and into the green blades of grass beneath his feet. Tears clouded his eyes as he stood, pain throbbing and flowing through his abdomen. He gritted his teeth, sucking in a harsh breath and glaring up at the older man. "Why do you haunt me so?"

A deep violet color began to thread through the gold in Kenshin's narrowed eyes, and he felt his chest tighten with pity, and sorrow. "She loved you, Ryota. I will never forgive myself to letting her arms go that night, that I won't. But it has been so many years... Instead of spending the rest of your life in pain, live with the hope that you will see her again someday. And until that day, with the hope that you will find someone to spend the rest of your earthly life with."

Ryota stood at full height now, his anger wavering. "How can I let her go?" His voice was filled with misery. "She was the only one who accepted me, who cared for me." He shook with an unexpressed emotion, his fists clenching and unclenching with every breath. "Why are you allowed to be happy, yet I am not?"

Kenshin looked over to Kaoru. Her breathing was ragged. He wanted to get her to Megumi to make sure there wasn't anything seriously wrong. "Ryota. I do not want her to die. She is my life now. I understand how badly you must want to take her away from me, but try to see. If this situation was reversed, would you not be begging for Saiyuki's life? Would you not try to barter with me, for me to spare her life so that her innocence would not be disturbed? If not for me, or for Kaoru, then for Saiyuki." He paused, watching the man's eyes widen and dart to the river. "Please, this one begs of you."

The other man looked up in surprise. "Love," he said sadly, "is pain." He watched a fish jump up out of the water and flop back in, the ripples mesmerizing him. "I guess, I would rather have you suffer than end your pain quickly." He turned and began walking away. Kenshin rushed towards the young woman, still bound to the tree and unconscious. "Battousai!" he barked. Kenshin looked up in surprise, standing defensively in front of Kaoru. Ryota, with a small, bitter smile, murmured into the night air. "Don't take advantage of happiness."

The redhead nodded, his eyes soft. "Never." He turned his attention to untying the beautiful woman in front of him. When he stood, Kaoru safely in his arms, the two of them were alone.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

"She's resting now."

Kenshin stood. "How is she?"

Megumi smiled. "She's fine. Besides the bruise and a few scratches, she's absolutely alright. I can't say when she'll wake up, but it won't be too long. If you like you can sit with her while I tend to the morning patients."

"Thank you, Megumi-dono." Kenshin's voice was flooded with appreciation, which showed everyone in the room how close he was to taking that final step. Yahiko had been worried when Kenshin had returned to the dojo to wake him. He had insisted on going to see her. Sano had stopped by that morning, hoping for a free meal, but after finding no one home he went to beg off of Megumi. There was where he found the occupants of the dojo.

Kenshin entered the room quietly, as to not disturb the beauty in front of him. He slowly sank to his knees, placing his sakabato next to him. _You saved my soul from another stain on my hands, Kaoru. I will do whatever it takes to repent, especially if it means keeping you safe._ He watched the young woman for close to an hour before her sapphire eyes finally began to flutter open. Her lips were parted and her cheeks flushed. Her breath was coming out in small pants, as if she was slowly realizing what had happened.

"Kenshin!"

Her eyes snapped open, blinded by the light of day. She groaned. _Why do my muscles ache so bad? Where am... I? _

"Kaoru, this one is here."

She turned her head to see the swordsman sitting next to her, his red hair glinting in the light. At first, she was delighted to see him, ready to ask him the questions floating around in her head. Then she remembered. The diary, his confession, that man... She froze, suddenly feeling the sting on her jaw. Her fingers itched to reach up and touch him, but she was still upset. It wasn't fair, he had saved her. But was it fair of him to take her personal thoughts? Her mind made up, she closed her eyes to avoid his curious gaze. "Am I well enough to go home?"

"Yes, Kaoru. Megumi-dono says there is nothing seriously wrong. You are free to leave when you are ready."

Kaoru noted the dropped honorific, but said nothing to it. "Then I would like to get dressed, if you don't mind." Her voice held a hint of anger, but she covered it well. Kenshin simply stood and turned to leave. "I will be waiting with the others outside."

With that he left the room. Kaoru waited until she could no longer hear his footsteps, and began to dress herself. She would be alright. _If I just pretend he never read it... That he never saw how I feel about it... Then it can go back to normal._ With a sad frown, she finished dressing and shook her head a bit.

_What if I don't want it to go back to normal?_

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

They group returned to the dojo, silent for the most part. Megumi had promised to drop by later, hinting to Kaoru that she wanted to talk. Kaoru had simply told her she was welcome anytime. _It's a little chilly out today._ Kaoru smiled sadly to herself. She should have been happier that everyone was safe, and no one was harmed by the man who took her. But with everything that had happened, it was pretty impossible for her to simply forget about it. She sighed lightly and walked a little faster when she saw the dojo gate. _Home... Maybe a nice cup of tea will help my mood._ In the back of her mind, she knew it wouldn't. But it was good to have hope.

She briskly walked into the kitchen, not stopping when Kenshin called her name. She began to boil water, waiting and leaning against the counter. As much as she wanted to forgive him, how could she? There was a part of her who knew that she shouldn't be making such a big deal out of it - it was a silly notebook. But in the same aspect, it was a silly notebook with all her personal thoughts, dreams, and emotions spread out on paper. It was the point of it all - it was _hers_ and it shouldn't have been opened.

_You know it's not because it's yours. It's because you confided in that silly notebook all of your childish feelings and dreams about Kenshin. Because he read it, and it won't be the same now. You're afraid of how he'll treat you now..._

Kaoru scrunched up her face. That was all true. She didn't want things to change, and yet... She did. She was alright with the way things were, however there had always been that barrier between Kenshin and herself. No matter how hard she tried to comfort him, to tell him that she was there for him, to assure him that she didn't care about what he'd done in the past - it was always there. Of course there had been times that he had opened up a bit; For instance, she knew that he had been in love before, married before, had been deeply hurt before. She knew that he felt so awful about his sins he had banished his past, and attempted every day to make up for the horrors he had caused during the war. But no matter how much she managed to drag from his lips, it was never to be. He would never trust her the way she wanted.

And she knew no matter how much she pretended, she would never be able to stop loving him.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

"I hope Kaoru is alright. She hasn't come out of her room all day."

Kenshin observed the young boy. Yahiko had certainly grown, in body and mind. He didn't show it most of the time, but he really cared about Kaoru. He was always ready to defend her, and was even starting to use his insults less - though he would probably always call her 'busu' out of affection. Or perhaps just to rile her up for a fight.

"I think we should go see if she is alright..."

"I think I should go and see her." The group of men turned to the woman doctor who had just arrived. She shut the shoji behind her and entered quietly.

"Megumi-dono, it's nice of you to drop by."

The older woman brushed her hair over her shoulder and smiled. "Yes well, I figured I could stop by and sample some of Ken-san's fantastic cooking?"

The swordsman rose and nodded his head. "Of course, Megumi-dono. Supper will be ready shortly." He walked into the kitchen, three pairs of eyes watching him.

The lady doctor simply walked towards Kaoru's room. "I'll make sure she eats supper. Please don't bother us." She padded away softly. Sano and Yahiko simply stared after her.

Megumi called out Kaoru's name. "Kaoru? May I come in?" She heard a soft answer and slipped inside. She looked down at the younger woman sitting against the wall with her shoji open, looking out into the yard. Megumi softly sat down beside her. The two women sat in silence for a while, before Megumi finally spoke.

"What's wrong with you?"

Kaoru sighed and didn't tear her eyes away from the yard. "It's nothing, Megumi. I don't want to talk about it."

"Well I'm sorry, but you're going to have to." Kaoru looked up sharply at her. "It's my duty as your doctor, and your friend, that you are physically and emotionally okay. So," she whispered, showing an unusual display of friendship. "What happened when you were kidnaped?"

Kaoru opened her mouth, then shut it. She closed her eyes, and when she opened them frowned. "It isn't what happened while I was his captive. It's what happened before..." Megumi kept silent, staring at her. Kaoru took a deep breath and sighed. "Kenshin... Found my personal notebook... Oh Megumi!" Kaoru cried, bringing her hands to her face. "The things I wrote in there! All of my thoughts, my feelings, my _dreams_! It's so embarrassing! He must think me a fool now."

"What were your dreams about, Kaoru?"

The other woman blushed, looking away. "Megumi... I am not an... _experienced_ woman. I dream of... having a husband, and a child. Someday I want those things." Flushed, Kaoru whispered, "Not someday. I want those things soon."

"I understand, Kaoru. You wrote down your sexual dreams." At Kaoru's embarrassed howl, she patted her hand. "It's okay, Kaoru. It's natural for a woman of your age to want to know more about those things. I assume you want Ken-san in this way, do you not?" Kaoru mumbled a small _...Yes _and Megumi smiled at her softly. "I know I'm usually a crude woman, Kaoru, but let me tell you that there is nothing to be ashamed of. Ken-san is an older man, he knows about these things. If nothing else comes from this, he now knows you are no longer a young girl, but a blossoming woman who yearns for care and attention."

Kaoru looked into her eyes, confused. "If nothing else...?"

Megumi sighed. "You love him, don't you?"

"W-Well yes..."

"And now he knows it. Take it as this - if he loves you back, he will bring it up. Knowing Kenshin, if he does not return your feelings, he will simply try to avoid you for a while, and hope things will return to normal. If he _does_ return your feelings, then hopefully he will try to make a move."

Kaoru's eyes shone softly, her face bright with a newfound hope. "Do you think?"

"Of course I do. I am, after all, an _experienced _woman."

"Megumi!"

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Kenshin finished bringing out the food and setting it on the table. He was still worried - they had been in there for so long, and a couple times had heard yelling from one of them. Hopefully Megumi wasn't tiring Kaoru out; She needed her rest after all that had happened. While waiting for the women to come out - he had sent Sano to tell them the meal was ready - he began to think about his now most important problem. How was he to admit to Kaoru his feelings? _I don't even know if she'll forgive me for reading her personal thoughts... She hasn't spoken to me since she woke up._ His eyes were clouded with apprehension, a small frown plastered on his face.

Megumi then walked in, dragging Kaoru gently into the room. "Now, let's eat, okay? The food all looks so delicious Ken-san!" She sat down and pulled the younger woman down next to her, handing her a bowl of rice. "Eat, Kaoru." The woman, silent, took the bowl and began to eat slowly. She seemed a little better, but was still so quiet. Sano and Yahiko got into a small dispute over the last pickle, which while they were fighting each other over Megumi plucked off the plate and put into Kaoru's bowl. Kaoru smiled her thanks, and gulped it down, grinning at the two boys. After that, however, it was back to silence. Nobody said anything for a while, before Kenshin couldn't take the silence. He couldn't stop himself from glancing at Kaoru every few seconds. Her hair was up again - most likely Megumi's doing - and shining in the light. Her eyes were shining, not as much as usual but more then they had earlier that morning. She had a bit of color in her cheeks again, and for that Kenshin was grateful. But he could sense negative feelings coming from her, and couldn't keep quiet.

"Kaoru, will you forgive me?"

The quiet murmur was loud enough for everyone to hear. Kaoru's hand froze as she was bringing food to her mouth. She didn't look at him, but instead closed her eyes.

"There is nothing to forgive, Kenshin."

Slowly she continued eating, which put everyone else at ease, though Kenshin stared at her. Eventually she opened her sapphire eyes and stared straight back into his violet ones. He couldn't look away, and it seemed that neither could she. For a moment the two of them were frozen in time, lost in each other's gazes. Finally, Kaoru looked away, feeling a heat rush through her that she couldn't ignore. She put her bowl down and smiled at everyone. "I am tired, so I think I'm going to bed. Thank you, Megumi." She bowed her head and rose to her feet, thanking Kenshin for the good food before making her way back to her bedroom.

Yahiko frowned. "She gonna be okay?"

Megumi put her bowl down. "She will be, I promise."

Kenshin simply stared after the woman he was truly, madly in love with. _Can I tell you before it's too late?_

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Please review!! I love reviews! :] Constructive criticism is loved!


	4. Chapter 4 This little book

I'm baaack! :] How is everybody? Sorry this chapter took me so long, I just couldn't bring myself to find the proper ending. I know, shame on me! But hopefully you'll find it to your liking. Enjoy!

**Chapter Four**

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

_Three days..._

It had been three days since Megumi had stopped by for supper, and Kenshin was still at a loss for ways to tell Kaoru how much she meant to him. Kenshin's violet eyes rested on the rippling river. He watched the fish swim to the surface and back down to the rocks. There was a cool breeze that rustled the leaves on the trees. It was a calm day, but no matter how much he meditated... He still had the gift he had carefully chosen for her tucked away in his room, and that was where it would sit until he came up with an idea. _This is pointless. _The redhead frowned and stood. _I need to think of something soon, or it may be too late._ Kaoru hadn't said a word to him since that night, when she had said there was nothing to forgive. Yet she said nothing to him, not one word. It was... frustrating, to say the least. It had to end.

Kenshin walked toward the bridge, somewhat angry at himself. He had to let her run away... There had to be something he could do... He didn't want something over dramatic, or too... forward. A romantic dinner sounded nice, but how could he set up and keep the food warm until they arrived? A long walk, maybe to their place, with all the fireflies. Then again, she might run off again, thinking he would leave. At the upcoming festival? No, it wouldn't take place for weeks. Maybe one of their friends could give him ideas. He slowly walked, listening to the sounds of his sandals against the dirt path. It had to be special, something she would never forget. Something that would bring back the warm glow her eyes always held. Thinking of her beautiful smile, her lively eyes, her warm spirit... It brought back his determination. With new enthusiasm, he headed to the Akabeko.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Kaoru frowned to herself. It was late now, the stars were out in the sky. _Where is Kenshin? It's late, he's normally home by now._ She shook her head and began walking to the gate. She was still a bit angry, but Kenshin hadn't tried talking to her at all, so she figured he really did just want to forget about what he'd read. It scared her; If Kenshin left her again, everyone else would slowly leave as well. She didn't want to be alone again, it had been her biggest fear since her father had passed on during the war. As many sins as Kenshin carried on his back, as much blood as he saw on his hands, the depth of his sorrow matched her own. Her mother had died when she was young, died in her father's arms. For nights on end she would lie in bed and listen to her father's sobs and cries, his pleas to bring his beloved wife back to the world of the living. After months of this, he had receded into silence, speaking not even to his own daughter unless it was to correct something she did. Finally Kaoru brought back her father's life, and they lived happily together. Until the war.

_Until the war._

Kaoru's eyes began to cloud with tears. She reached for her purple notebook and, despite the recent upset, began to write.

_I know it's silly, but I still feel resentment towards Kenshin. I love him so much, that's the problem. He knows now, after reading this. I don't know if he'll ever speak to me the same way. I am no child, nor do I wish to be treated like one. I don't know what I would do if I lost him, yet..._

_I have been thinking about my father again. The days after mother died, and before he left for war. I cannot remember most of the happy times we had. I do remember one night, however, that father took mother and I out to watch the fireflies at the river. I remember the tender way they looked at each other, at me. Someday I hope to share the same look with a husband of my own, and for my child to observe and remember. Hopefully they would remember out of happiness instead of pain._

_I don't care who reads this anymore. I love you Kenshin... I just hope you figure out what to do before it's too late._.. _Or I gain the courage to._

Kaoru held the notebook on her lap, quietly staring out into space. She breathed slowly to calm her racing heart. _Kenshin..._

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

It had been two days since she had written her last entry. The notebook hadn't been touched, she'd placed it in a special place so she could recognize if it had been. Softly she tucked a strand of loose hair behind her ear. That warm day she had decided to leave her silky raven hair down. Two days, and still Kenshin was silent. They exchanged awkward glances every now and then, but no words. Daily life went on, chores were completed, practice was done... The sun was beginning to set and Kaoru was, once again, sitting outside looking up to the sky.

Kenshin watched the young woman with loving violet eyes. He sucked in a breath, trying to calm his heart. He needed to snap out of it! Tonight was the night. _Tonight._ The swordsman approached her slowly, watching every breath the took. "Kaoru?" The woman looked up, her raven hair shining against the light. She had her hands in her lap, and her pale face glowed softly. Kenshin's breath caught in his throat. _Beautiful..._ He swallowed nervously, but continued. "Miss Kaoru, will you come with me? There is something I wish to show you." He watched as the woman seemed to contemplate it, then stood and nodded at him.

Side by side the two walked slowly to the river, the whole time attempting to stop their wildly beating hearts. Kaoru was dreading those words she had nightmares about in the dark night. _I am a wanderer, Miss Kaoru._ She didn't know if she could take his leaving. It was true she loved him, but if he wanted nothing more than friendship from her, she would accept it happily. If nothing else, she could live and watch him be content in his life. But secretly she knew that if he found another woman, she wouldn't be able to stay and watch him continue living.

Kenshin stopped by the river, looking out at the rippling water before speaking. "Miss Kaoru, I know you must be furious with me right now, but please let this one explain." When the woman simply looked at him, he continued. "This one had no intent of reading your personal thoughts. When I opened it, I glanced upon my name and couldn't resist reading. It was my weakness, and I will never forgive myself for invading your privacy." He paused, glancing up into her blue eyes. "Kaoru... this one is also not sorry." The dojo owner widened her eyes in confusion, but the man held up a hand to silence her. "I am not sorry, because it opened my eyes. This one now realizes that you are not a little girl, but a blossoming woman. That for these many years this one has been lucky to not have had you snatched away by a younger, persistent suitor. I have been selfish these years, Kaoru." He looked up at the stars sparkling against the black night sky. "I have been wallowing in my past, afraid of things to repeat themselves. But I realize you are not like my first wife, Tomoe. You are stronger, in many different ways. I have been avoiding the truth of my heart out of fear you will be taken from me." Kenshin's red hair shaded his eyes for a moment, before he looked up into her eyes. "But I realize if I continue to wait, you will be taken from me regardless. Kaoru... You have kept me alive for all these years, slowly letting my old wounds heal."

Kenshin walked to her and took her soft hand gently in his own. "I cannot lie to you, or myself, any longer. Kaoru, I love you." He waited for Kaoru's reaction nervously. Her blue eyes were wide and sparkling. Her cheeks were flushed slightly, her hair fluttering behind her, her mouth was parted slightly. She couldn't stop her heart from pounding.

"Kenshin..." She began to cry. The warm tears poured from the corners of her eyes. Kenshin took her gently into his embrace, rocking her slowly and praying that it was a good reaction. He lifted his head from hers when she mumbled something inaudible.

"What is it Kaoru?"

She shook her head, as if making a decision. She looked up into his violet eyes fiercely and clenched her fists, which were resting against his chest. She rose up on her toes and gently pressed her lips against his own. His eyes widened in shock. _Kaoru..._ He tightened his hold on her. He let his eyes slip closed and tilted his head, gently using his tongue to pry open her mouth. She was a little confused, but let him in. She was shocked at the electricity of his touches, the wonderful feelings a simple kiss elicted. His tongue moved against hers sensually, his hands kneading her back softly. Slowly Kaoru's hands moved up to cradle the redhead's face as she returned the kiss with equal fervor. Kenshin broke the kiss, moving his face to her neck. He kissed it softly over and over, only stopping when he heard the young woman moan.

"Kenshin..."

He looked down at her face. Her eyes were barely open, her cheeks flushed pink, and her lips swollen, red. "Kaoru," he whispered worriedly. "Did I-"

"Ssshh." She placed a finger to his lips, her deep blue eyes sparkling with happiness. "I love you Kenshin."

His heart erupted with a feeling he couldn't put words to. Kaoru's head rested in the cradle of his neck, her warm breath tickling the skin. He smiled and kissed the top of her head, holding her close and rocking her gently. This feeling was nothing he had ever felt before. There had always been pleasure with Tomoe, her kisses intense and forceful. It was different with Kaoru. He felt love, wanting, happiness in her kisses. Her touch wasn't needy, it was tender and kind. Her voice wasn't harsh, it was soft and understanding. Her smiles weren't cynical or cruel, they were loving and true. Nothing could break this feeling. _Kaoru..._

Kenshin pulled away softly. "Let's go home... Kaoru." Her eyes softened and she nodded, allowing him to lace his fingers through hers as they walked home slowly. The wind whispered through their hair, gently carrying the flower pedals down to the ground around the couple. The crickets chirped softly, and before they reached the entrance Kenshin tugged lightly at Kaoru's hand. "Kaoru... I wish to ask you something."

Kaoru looked at him quizzically. Before she could say anything, however, Kenshin pulled a small box out of his pocket and smiled. "Kaoru, I promise to spend the rest of my life here, with you. I have wandered to the place I will spend the rest of my life, if you will allow me to. I know it's soon, but I don't want you to wait any longer." He handed her the box, nodding for her to open it. She pulled the ribbon gently and pulled off the top of the box. She gasped, staring with disbelieving eyes. Kenshin fell to one knee, taking her hand in his own. "Kaoru, would you take my hand in marriage?"

Kaoru couldn't rip her eyes away from the gift. It was a beautiful silver ring, a full sapphire embedded in the ring with two amethysts on both sides. It sparkled in the starlight, glittering and shining with radiance. Kaoru fell to the ground in front of the swordsman, smiling and embracing him tightly. "Kenshin... Oh Kensh- of course! I will! I mean, yes! Yes I'll marry you! I-"

Kenshin stood and picked her up, spinning her around and around until it made them dizzy. He set her down gently and took the ring. He gazed lovingly at her, and slipped the ring onto her finger. They shared a simple kiss before heading into the dojo, smiling and holding hands. The wind continued to blow softly outside.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Kaoru was finally alone. It was going to be the most precious day of her life, or one of them. It was her wedding day. She had Megumi, Tae, Misao, and Tsubame all helping her prepare, some keeping the men out of the way and other helping her dress in the intricate wedding kimono. There were layers upon layers, but oh how beautiful they were... She knew Kenshin would be wearing blue, so naturally she would be wearing blue as well. The very top layer was the most eye-catching - a cerulean blue with silver petals floating down the skirt, and a curl of vines crawling up the side. She had picked it specially, from the descriptions her father used to tell her at night, it nearly matched what her mother had worn on her own special day. Kaoru's silky raven hair was done up in curls, propped on her head. She didn't know how Megumi had gotten it to stay, but it was beautiful. The silver hair comb matched perfectly with it's deep sapphire gems embedded in it. She was... _I hope Kenshin will approve..._ She blushed, wondering what Kenshin would say.

She sighed and looked around the empty room, seeing nobody but herself in the mirror's reflection. Slowly she pulled her purple lacy notebook from it's hiding spot and began to write, careful not to get ink on her kimono.

_Today is the day I've been dreaming of for years now - the day I marry Kenshin. I can't believe it's actually happening, I never believed I could possibly know the love that Kenshin and I share. I truly believe, mom, that you would be proud of me. You always said that it was important to belong to your lover, yet be an independent woman. Well, the dojo is doing well - I have more students than I have had in a long time, and they are all so dedicated! Father would be proud._

_Kenshin and I have not shared that 'special moment' yet, however I know tonight will be the night, and mom - I'm so nervous! I wish you were here to guide me, to reassure me... So many things you could teach me now. Though you are beyond my grasp now, I know you are always in my heart, and for that I am grateful. I hope you are proud of me mom. I hope you and father approve of Kenshin - he's such a wonderful man. I know he'll be a good father, and he's already proven to be loving to me. My heart can only get full from here._

_I know nothing of pleasing a man, and mother I hope I do well. Were you nervous as well? Were you, too, innocent to the ways of marriage? Kenshin will understand, won't he? After all, he was married once before. I know he says his love for me is nothing like his for Tomoe, but I pray I will stay strong. Do you believe I will be a good wife? I know I cannot cook, and my lady skills are near to nothing, but with love won't I be able to make him happy? Do you believe I can do this?_

_I do, mom. I know I will make a good wife, and if you are in heaven shaking your head at me - I promise I will prove myself. I will be the honorable daughter you and father always pushed me to be. I will be a good wife, mother, and daughter. Please believe in me._

_And to think - we're getting married because he read this little book I'm writing in now..._

_I must go now - it is almost time. My heart won't stop pounding! I pray I have your blessings._

Slowly she closed the book and returned it to it's rightful spot. She rose and opened the shoji, letting the sun shine down on her face. Kaoru sighed deeply and smiled happily. "Things can only get better from here."

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

It's finished!! I really enjoyed writing this - though hopefully my next story can make it past four chapters... o.o I really hope you enjoyed this! Please leave your lovely comments and reviews! Oh, and yes **There will be an epilogue.**I just don't know when that will be coming, hopefully soon! :]


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